After-market friendship...

One might ask... does it really matter? And, to this, I must reply... "most certainly - it truly matters - to me". Now, anyone who truly knows what it's like to have someone that's there but not really there knows what I'm talking about (i.e. Lunch Date - movie Just Friends). Let me just kick it old school for you. 

What ever happened to a night out with a friend, where you didn't check your e-mail, text or instant messages? Where the last thing you did before you left was check to see if you had messages and took care of them, if any, when you returned home. Where did that go? Remember when you were younger and technology wasn't such a big deal, where it was frowned upon to impede on your friendship... where it was actually nice to hang out with your friend(s) and not worry about what other people were doing, but to spend quality time with them? Remember when it was courteous to see how your friends are... Is it really that old fashioned to think like that? If it is, I must have a quaint view of things to have this incredulous thought in my head. True, I used to loathe not being able to get a hold of people on a whim, but now that I can - I wish I couldn't.

I'll just throw this out there, and if anyone really has an issue, contact me and we'll have a discussion about it, I don't want you to think that I'm just some kvetch with a ruse to hide my consternation of the subject. Maybe it's just me, but I don't understand the necessity to be involved with everyone I know all the time, sure it's nice to know what's going on, but to me it's overkill. For instance, if you were out with someone on a special occasion or if you haven't seen the person in ages, for me it would be absolutely critical for me to give you my undivided attention. At that point, it's about principles and values, i.e. The loathing of wasting someone's time, missing out on little peccadillos, wanting "quality" time, etc. Sure, that could be selfish on your part to expect someone to follow an idea that you, yourself, hold dear, but I think to some degree it's selfish of someone else to put you "on hold", as well. Sure, there is give and take, but accepting that this should become commonplace behavior is not something that should be accepted, but can be occasionally tolerated. It comes down to someone respecting you enough to put aside others and make time for you. I know this sounds like I'm saying, "Make time just for me, be with me, I'm selfish, you can't talk to anyone but me when you're with me..." but that's not the case I'm trying to make. Like I said, there is give & take... I'm sensible enough to understand that people have other things going on, but don't overdo it. There's a reasonable grey area for a reason, there's a feeling out process, but you should consider at the very least, that the other person is compromising, too - to spend time with you.

Here's a little quote:

You don’t get to pick your own nickname. They’ve gotta give you one. It’s like we’re all tryin’ to make pets out of each other and we’re not comfortable unless we get to name ‘em. -Laura Moncur

Outlandish, Zany, or otherwise Eccentric Second Thoughts..

• People think that I am a smiley person! I'm really not, I try to be... BUT, I'm not! I don't find many things funny, you'll be hard pressed to make me to smile or laugh. I'm usually smiling about something I was thinking, more than what was happening. 
• Loud, high pitch sounds mess with my noggin'... screeching, menacing tones... that's directly opposite of the "dark, ominous tones - wummmm, bowwww!"
• I still like to think that I am impervious to pain. I think that since in the bounds or around 30, that I'm now becoming dainty, vulnerable and frangible.
• I have a preoccupation with how everyone else is doing. I, usually, think of myself - Last.
• I have a predisposition to spite liars, and people that hurt others, to their face. 
• When I have something to say, I have a very, very hard time biting my tongue. It feels like a barbed bat swinging at my epiglottis and the only way to stop it is to let loose my infringing and sardonic wit.
• I have a plethora of hobbies... Unfortunately, I find that my hobbies are late spring, summer and early fall.. Damn winter... Damn!
• Has anyone ever taken pictures of a pen, 2 water bottles, lotion and a receipt with a lego man shooting lasers at them all?
• I absolutely hate wasting peoples' time! It makes me feel awkward... kind of like how odd it would be if chimpanzees appeared out of nowhere and started throwing crap at you - that kind of awkward... and when I say "crap", it's literally... not figuratively.
• I love sharing my heart with people that make me feel comfortable enough to open up and be myself.
• I don't fit in everywhere, but where I do fit in... it is a snug fit. 
• I am very sentimental. I know, ODD! 
• I love going on vacations... hiding out in random cities avoiding the tenure of crazies in my head while pretending I'm someone else for a day.
• I'm a private person. Hand gestures!? What? Stop it! These are completely different than exclamatory body language. I absolutely don't like showy signs of communication, loud talking or making a scene. Ironic then that every emotion shows on my face... "So much for not making a scene, Jackass."
• I have a firm belief that being honest with someone, regardless of if it's going to hurt someone's feelings, is the best possible scenario. Telling someone that something they're doing, that directly effects you (not some random opinion that you've formed just to be mean), is/isn't working for you would ultimately benefit both parties and any hostilities, resentment or feelings that they might have will lessen the duration that they will have to deal with it. And, the relationship that you have will be better off for it...
• I don't like waking up to growling or strange noises... or getting woke up for any reason, I desire to sleep until my body says, get up stupid ass, you wasting your life away.
• I work hard and play hard... I believe in doing something right the first time and not dilly-dallying around. Work first, play later...
• I don't hide who I am. I'm outwardly antagonistic, sarcastic, affectionate, effectual and crass... I tend to believe that everyone should know exactly how you feel about them. I do go overboard sometimes, a frail-oversight that has become inconvenient and troublesome, lately.
• I love to feel... I read a book recently that made a lot of sense to me, almost too much sense... I was a little perturbed by it, to a degree... but a quote from it seemed to hit me in my core. "If you hold back on the emotions--if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid." Unfortunately, I am entirely too distracted to see myself in the mirror, which is a bit intimidating when life comes back at me with a fierce wave of conviction and throwing me into some muddled partition of time.
• I like being able to flagrantly oppose an idea, see it's benefits/defects without making it sound like I understand it at all.
• I thought that causing a stable environment for myself would be easy... boy, when I realized that I would have to spend many hours passively considering the consequences to that decision, I started to pee my pants out of fear of deflating my ego, my life vest, my nurturing barrier between myself and all that is holy... hahahaha and I just made that up... Peeing your pants, what a troublesome thing to do!
• I am often charming, but mostly to people that deal with my food. This is so I don't get the "continental" mixed with the seafood..
• I desire above all things, everyday... peace of mind.
• Wonders where I went wrong. When did I escape the solidarity in life? I'm vexed beyond recognition by some mistakes I unwittingly made. 
• I CARE!